I was scrolling through facebook and I found this quote posted by a batchmate of mine (Makki Araneta) and I’d like to examine its truth value.
I have assumed that this is said in the context of two people who are around the same age, give or take. My first question is, is politeness really scarce?
When I think of the word “polite”, I think of basic ethics and the standard protocol it comes along with. In this brief definition, politeness is all around us. We just don’t see it because we’re so used to it. It’s not that abundant, but it’s sufficient. We’re passive to it. For some people, politeness is like a thought, it only exists when we give attention to it.
You’re not going to pay much attention to Starbucks barista who greeted you with a smile as you claimed your frapuccino, or the guy who helped you park your sensor-less car. Some instances of politeness just don’t stand out to you. Maybe because at times, even if it’s mandatory, you’re just used to it. Note that even when people do things that are required of them, it’s still considered polite. Heck, even if someone loathes you, they can easily be polite as a bare minimum. So I won’t diagnose humanity with the lack of politeness, rather, it’s the lack of appreciation. Politeness isn’t lacking, genuineness is.
Furthermore, the level of attention and the reaction we give to politeness is relative to the current impression that we have of the people who are giving it. To show you this, let’s introduce flirtation into the equation.
For example, a handsome guy lets you cut in line. Interpretation: He’s hot AND he’s kind!
Counterexample: An old guy who calls you “miss” lets you cut in line. Interpretation: He’s a creep.
Your judgement in both cases, may it be accurate or not, is based on your first impression of this stranger. And people can’t just throw away their first impression. If you’re walking along a dark alley and shady guys start following you, you can’t just cross your fingers and hope they’re a polite bunch. Prejudices can sometimes serve as a “necessary judgement”.
When the world has been consistently unkind to you, you will continue to expect it to be. Experience teaches us this. The environment you are accustomed to determines your expectations. So it goes without saying that gullible people might have grown around honest people without a tinge of sarcasm in their vocabulary. You probably have to be one son of a gun to mistake it for flirtation. Either that or your ego has grown to a sizable degree.
Flirtation isn’t the only thing we can mistake it for. There’s also mockery. I am definitely more prone to this. A former best friend asked me, “Are you so used to people being mean to you that you don’t know when they’re being genuine?” I found this more paradoxical than the aforementioned quote.If you assume flirtation, it just means you’re suspicious of what people want from you. But if you’re given a compliment assume they’re ridiculing you, you must have been through some tough shit.
Not knowing when genuineness hits you in the face goes to show that your set of experiences mostly consists of rough patches.
Pantomime Reader 