:)

Realists!

“Politeness has become so rare that people mistake it for flirtation”

I was scrolling through facebook and I found this quote posted by a batchmate of mine (Makki Araneta) and I’d like to examine its truth value.

I have assumed that this is said in the context of two people who are around the same age, give or take. My first question is, is politeness really scarce?

When I think of the word “polite”, I think of basic ethics and the standard protocol it comes along with. In this brief definition, politeness is all around us.  We just don’t see it because we’re so used to it. It’s not that abundant, but it’s sufficient. We’re passive to it. For some people, politeness is like a thought, it only exists when we give attention to it. 

You’re not going to pay much attention to Starbucks barista who greeted you with a smile as you claimed your frapuccino, or the guy who helped you park your sensor-less car.  Some instances of politeness just don’t stand out to you. Maybe because at times, even if it’s mandatory, you’re just used to it. Note that even when people do things that are required of them, it’s still considered polite. Heck, even if someone loathes you, they can easily be polite as a bare minimum. So I won’t diagnose humanity with the lack of politeness, rather, it’s the lack of appreciation. Politeness isn’t lacking, genuineness is.

            Furthermore, the level of attention and the reaction we give to politeness is relative to the current impression that we have of the people who are giving it. To show you this, let’s introduce flirtation into the equation.

For example, a handsome guy lets you cut in line. Interpretation: He’s hot AND he’s kind!

Counterexample: An old guy who calls you “miss” lets you cut in line. Interpretation: He’s a creep.

Your judgement in both cases, may it be accurate or not, is based on your first impression of this stranger. And people can’t just throw away their first impression. If you’re walking along a dark alley and shady guys start following you, you can’t just cross your fingers and hope they’re a polite bunch. Prejudices can sometimes serve as a “necessary judgement”.

When the world has been consistently unkind to you, you will continue to expect it to be. Experience teaches us this. The environment you are accustomed to determines your expectations. So it goes without saying that gullible people might have grown around honest people without a tinge of sarcasm in their vocabulary. You probably have to be one son of a gun to mistake it for flirtation. Either that or your ego has grown to a sizable degree.

           Flirtation isn’t the only thing we can mistake it for. There’s also mockery. I am definitely more prone to this. A former best friend asked me, “Are you so used to people being mean to you that you don’t know when they’re being genuine?”  I found this more paradoxical than the aforementioned quote.If you assume flirtation, it just means you’re suspicious of what people want from you. But if you’re given a compliment assume they’re ridiculing you, you must have been through some tough shit.

Not knowing when genuineness hits you in the face goes to show that your set of experiences mostly consists of rough patches.

Why New Year Resolutions Don’t Work

It’s a rather fun and amusing thing to visualize yourself achieving a goal. That’s precisely what a new year resolution does–it paints a picture of you at the finish line. The question is rather seasonal. When the parade of older relatives are done harassing you with questions about your girlfriend/boyfriend (or worse, the lack thereof), small talk begs the question: “What are your resolutions this year?” Those office Christmas parties have the same disease, too. And for the sole purpose of decreasing the monotony of the conversation, you throw a bunch of promises in the air.

“I just want to lose 10 pounds, that’s all.”

“I’m giving all I’ve got for a  3.50 Grade point average”

“I’m banging that girl who works on the 3rd floor.”

“This is my last cigarette.”

So before I tell you why you’re going to stay fat, unsuccessful, lonely and unhealthy, an uncle briefly explained the science behind it all. apparently, that region of your brain contributes to your determination to do anything. It handles your short term memory and your abstract ideas.

            When you’re making a resolution, this baby right here exerts a lot of willpower to make promises that you can’t keep. For the time being as you’re sitting there in front of a fine feast that includes the traditional lechon, spaghetti and pichi pichi, that area’s telling you that it’s absolutely necessary to make that choice because after Christmas, you’re going to get so fat, people won’t be able to recognize you.

But the problem there is that, more often than not, you don’t really think about it enough. Your short term memory won’t remind you about the effort it takes to get up early in the morning to go for a jog or to stay up a few more hours to ace that midterm exam. It doesn’t take difficulty levels into account.

So enough of that science bit, here’s why I personally think you’ll remain a failure:

1.The results are unmeasurable

Example: “I’m going to be more inspiring.” “I’m going to help this person.”

Like any other hypothesis, you need to be somewhat empirical. You can’t measure the level of inspiration you’ve brought to somebody or the help you’ve extended. for all we know, you could have even made things worse for them. Sloth is your main enemy here, so at any time, your brain can trick you into telling yourself “I think that’s good enough.”

2. No one cares

            Like I said, it’s a seasonal question. No one will care about your resolution during boys night out when they’re asking you to chug, chug chug. Very few people in your life will support you and say, “You’re smoking again?! But that was your resolution!” probably because they’ve broken theirs yesterday. They only care at the start (where they can buy some small talk) and at the end of the year (where they can humiliate you).

3. You’re trying to fix the side effects of the real dilemma

             There is a big difference between “I’m gonna get a boyfriend” and “I’m going to be happy”. At times, there is something unhinged about our personality that make us unlikely candidates for success. You could get a sexual partner (still a potential boyfriend nonetheless) and feel absolutely dead inside. Fixing the side effects isn’t as fulfilling as eliminating the entire problem.  It’s like having gasping as a symptom for lung cancer. Why would you rather base your resolution on eliminating the gasping when you can target cancer?

4. The best motivation is the deadline

              Just as a college student reasons out that their mental capacity multiplies the night before the exam, your willpower will skyrocket around November or December when you have to triple your exercise routine just to shed off a few pounds. At page 1 of 365 in this book called 2013, time is pleasantly rubbing your back. before the Christmas rush, time mischievously brings out a whip and hits you with it. “I’ll do it tomorrow”, you say. Before you know it, time has been cheating on you with his bestfriend, guilt. Everyday they haunt you with a cacophony of “I should have(s)”

Of course, this is all opinion based on observation. Last 2012, I achieved 4 out of 7 resolutions and I still intend to make the same promises. But with all these pitfalls in mind, I constructed more effective ways of thinking for myself.

You should, too. Lest you want to remain fat, unsuccessful, lonely and unhealthy.